Time Machines: Smoking sun goddesses and the curse of time

So we took ViviBear for her 9mo checkup, and in the waiting room, there was this lady with a newborn. From behind her hair was well-groomed, and she dressed well, but when she turned around, I was expecting a rather attractive young mom (not that I am gawking, MommyMD was with me). To my surprise, the first thought was, is this grandma? I really wanted to make a comment to MommyMD next to me, but I figured knowing my sly incognito mannerisms, I didn’t want to make it too obvious that I am an a-hole.

Later that night, MommyMD brought the lady up, because the baby had some cute fluffy booties on, but she also noticed the weathered mother. Granted there are some older moms out there, and I understand that pushing a baby out for many hours, then having more hours of sleepless night can wear down someone’s complexion, but too many times have I seen people who look 20-30 years older than their actual age. This mommy was well-baked and had much makeup on. Either she was an 50 year old wearing the garb of a 25 year old, or she was a 25 year old that had been smoking and tanning since she was 10 years old hence looking like a 50 year old.

I’ll admit people look great with a good tan on, but it’s too bad that the consequences of looking good leads to such drastic results (skin cancer, wrinkles, looking a wrinkly baked turkey). The smoking part on the other hand is just a vice that smells and causes cancer.

It just boggles my mind when I meet people and I assume they are 70s or so, my first thought is, I hope you’ve had your osteoporosis screening  Colonoscopy. Then I find out there 40 years old. Things that should tip you off that the person you talking to is like older than their age if they:

1. Smell like smoke: I mean reek of smoke to where it fills the whole room up. We’ve all met people, or have friends (or family) that have the nasty musty old smoke smell imbedded in their clothes and hair. No matter how much they wash, it wont go away (which makes me actually wonder if they do wash).

2. Have the complexion of an orange, or maybe… I don’t even know what to call it. Lets just say Snookie Complexion. I do suppose you can spray tan and appear orange as well, but you know what I am talking about.

Ah heck, I’ve been told I look like I am 40 (Clement you asshole). I don’t tan nor do I smoke. Maybe it’s the stress from all the ladies I am around (Combo, MommyMD, ViviBear). not likely. I just have a scholarly look:)

On that note, make sure you wear your sun block if you do go tanning, and just don’t smoke. If you do smoke, consider quitting. Otherwise don’t get offended when you are asked for your golden buckeye card at 40 years old.